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A Course in Miracles teaches, amongst other things, that everything is an illusion. But if everything is an illusion, so is happiness and so is despair.

Does that belief distract from the value of happiness? Not at all. I have had many ‘illusions’ in my life that have been highly supportive of my well being and helped me achieve my goals. I have also had illusions that have limited my progress.

An illusion, as I see it, is simply a more global form of belief. We can have supportive beliefs/mindsets or limiting beliefs/mindsets. We can’t tell for sure whether either set is true - after all, they are ‘only’ beliefs. But the beliefs that enable us to endure uncomfortable or unpleasant situations with the expectation that there will be positive results and outcomes are certainly a lot more useful that the beliefs that whatever we are currently doing or thinking about doing to resolve a situation most certainly won’t work.

Many limiting beliefs develop in childhood. Recently a young child told me, with complete assurance, ‘That most definitely will not work!’. ‘Well, we won’t know till we try’ was my rejoinder. ‘So let’s give it a try and see what happens.’ It did work! Hopefully that child will have been encouraged to expand his thinking a little.

What ‘illusions’ are limiting your progress? What do you ‘most definitely’ know will NOT work for you? Maybe you could try it and see what happens. Who knows, it just might work.

Just had an EFT session with my colleague, Helene Ludwig. Thoroughly recommended.

I just made a stupid mistake. I didn’t save the last rave. I allowed myself to get distracted by looking further down the page to see what was there. And when I looked back, all was gone! Bummer. Back to square one. Lesson #1 - make frequent use of the ‘Save and Continue Editing’ button when writing a blog.

A blog is great for ideas people who want to share their ideas with other like-minded souls and get interesting and valuable feedback.

A blog is also great for people who want to create a community of like-minded others who all feel passionate about a particular cause or idea.

Some fundamental characteristics of blogs are:

• Easy to use. A blog is one of the easiest things to get started with if you enjoy writing or want to share some thoughts with others. You need minimal technical expertise to get started although you do need a reasonable amount of technical know how if you want to do more than just write a public diary.
• Extremely interactive. A blog not only allows readers to interact with the writer, it invites and makes it extremely easy for them to do so.

Last night I took a closer look at what was available to Wordpress users. This blog is written in Wordpress. I already knew there were numerous (thousands?) of themes but I had only a rudimentary notion of a theme, limited mainly to colour and headings. However, last night’s foray gave me a much expanded view.

Themes include menus, making a blog much more like a website. There are new themes being developed by blogging enthusiasts every month.

Wordpress also has a seemingly endless list of plugins, which is one of the features I gather make it one of the better blogging environments. A plugin, as I understand it, is a small bit of software you can download that will enable you to add interest, create more functions, find out about your visitors, track statistics, etc, etc, on your blog. All for free.

A good example of a blog is Adam Kayce’s website, http://www.monkatwork.com/. Adam recently - with the help of Dawud Miracle - converted his website into a blog. It looks like a website, has - as far as I can see - all the features of a website, and it also provided a much greater degree of flexibility and navigation for both Adam and his visitors. Take a look and see what can be done.

One of the characteristics of extremely happy people is that they make happiness a priority (see ‘Inviting Happiness’, a free download from www.transformasia.com.au/resources).

Unlike others who simply entertain a vague hope that things will get better for them eventually, these extremely happy people adopt a more proactive stance. This blog post is about creating a ‘psychic space’ for happiness.

Dr Jan Resnick says, ‘The essential quality of our experience seems to be determined by the psychic space we bring to it.’ Psychotherapy Australia, Vol 12, No. 2, Feb 2006.

He considers psychic space in the context of parenting, reading a book, love-making and psychotherapy.

I would like to mention another activity, Open Space Technology, that brings together groups of people to create a shared psychic space of connection and recognition around issues of common concern.

Some of the things that make Open Space such a catalyst for change are:

- It is a deliberate intentional activity involving people who set aside a period of time to confer on issues of common concern.

- The agenda is open, it is made up on the day and so reflects as accurately as possible the living concerns that these people are experiencing in the here and now.

- It is structured to allow people to listen to each other and respond in authentic ways.

Interestingly, one of the objections that I hear repeatedly from people who have attended one Open Space is that the event was stimulating and enjoyable at the time but didn’t in the end change much.

What has all this to do with creating a psychic space for happiness?

1.  Just as we can only negotiate change in the intersubjectivity of the present moment, (interestingly discussed by Daniel Stern in The present moment in psychotherapy and everyday life , 2004, W.W. Norton & Co. N.Y.) so we can only start to taste happiness in the now moment. Although these moments occur naturally - like so much else in our lives - it takes practice to sustain this ongoing awareness. Very much like learning to surf. I have never surfed and don’t ever expect to. But when I read the accounts of surfers, I realise that surfing is a peak experience of being supremely present in the moment, that is worth putting in time, effort and energy to arrive at.

Like creating an Open Space, or learning to surf, inviting happiness involves the deliberate setting aside of time to allow ourselves to be with whatever is happening in our now moments, whether this be responding to our children’s needs, reading a book, love-making, or addressing a community issue or taking the time to be with ourselves. This could be through meditation, journal writing, working with a coach or counsellor, or engaging in an activity that we find pleasurable, like gardening or walking, or playing an instrument.

2.  We can only start and make genuine change by accepting where we are NOW and starting from there. The first step could be to acknowledge how deeply unhappy we feel. We can only do this if we practice having an open agenda for ourselves and others in the now moment.

3.  We need to be prepared to persist in responding in consistently authentic ways.

One swallow does not make a summer. One attempt to be in the now moment does not bring genuine connection and recognition. I find it strange that people complain that one Open Space event hasn’t changed things much. Of course not. The whole premise of Open Space is that people can only do what they have the genuine authentic willingness, interest, energy and time to do. One or all of these factors my be missing or in short supply. To experience the ongoing benefits of Open Space, we need to make a commitment to being in Open Space, whether formally or informally, over a period of time on a consistent basis.

All these apply equally to the practice of inviting happiness.

1. We have to be willing to be happy.
2. We have to be interested and curious as to what we might look into or do that would increase our happiness quotient.
3. We have to deliberately put more energy into what gives us happiness and satisfaction and to withdraw our energy from what does not give us that happiness and satisfaction.
4. And finally, perhaps most importantly, we have to make time. As my colleague, Jan Whitaker says, ‘Seed planting is often the most important step.’ But if we never make the time to plant the seed in the first place, we will certainly never see the blooming and fruition of the plant.

Creating a psychic space for happiness involves us in committing to a series of deliberate choices to be present, aware and accepting of what is happening in the present moment. This is what leads us to ‘being in the flow’. But that is a subject for another post.

There’s a sound body of research that indicates that when people feel more in control of their lives, they experience greater happiness and satisfaction. One way to take more control is to review the synergy - or otherwise - between your goals and your values. Are the two supporting each other? 

Matt Church in his newsletter, Globe, April 17th 2007, gives a simple three step process for achieving your goals while not compromising what is most important to you. In his own organisation, one of the key principles is Family First.

1. Decide what you want to achieve, for example, to increase your productivity over the next 12 months.

2. Get clear on the cost of achieving this and how the goal may impinge on key values and principles, for example, you may feel you have to work six days a week and travel a lot, putting a strain on your family life.

3. Negotiate with yourself to find a solution that allows you to keep your goal and your values. There is no rule book that says that your life has to be lived a certain way. You can decide that you are only going to work four days a week and travel only once a month to allow yourself time to be with your family.

As Matt Church puts it, It’s your life, so you get to make up the rules.  

By giving yourself permission to lead a life that suits your values and principles, you take more control and invite more happiness.

Give it a try. Take a look at your life and what you are trying to achieve. Make a list down one side of a sheet of paper. Then on the other side, make a list of some of your key values.

Ask yourself, How well do these two lists mesh with each other? Are they in conflict or in synergy? What small step could you take to negotiate more synergy between these lists?

Coaching is a bit like meditation. Everyone has heard of it but there are widely different views of what it is.

It’s very like the traditional story of the four blind men who were examining an elephant. One touched the trunk, the other the tusks, another a leg and a fourth an ear. Each had a different description to offer and each ‘knew’ his own was the right one because it accorded with his personal experience.

I’m going to talk about two different approaches to coaching that are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. I’ll call the first the ‘directive solution oriented’ approach and the second the ‘heart centred solution oriented’ approach. All coaching can and often is, a mixture of the two. However, usually there’s more of a focus on one or the other.

I’ll use my own work to illustrate. In my practice as a life coach and hypnotherapist, I use primarily the solution oriented approach. What this means is that I collaborate with my clients to find their own solutions to the issues they are addressing. I start from the assumption that a client’s unconscious mind already has a solution and the task of the coach/therapist is to find the way to access this. This approach is in the long tradition of ‘Know yourself’.

On the other hand, in my practice as a business website development coach and consultant (note that I’ve added in the title ‘consultant’ - consultants are expected to have extensive expertise in specific areas) I use the directive approach to coaching. This means that the coaching topic is the client’s business and how their website can help them to greater business success. This is measured in the long run in numbers of clients and money in the bank.

While the client has the final say in what happens, I am constantly ’standing in the client’s shoes’ and thinking of new options that will improve the way the website works to attract new visitors and convert them into paying clients who will reap the benefits that the business offers.

My coaching is focused on passing on my expertise to my clients so that they can go on and ‘do it themselves’ if that is what they wish. Of course, the choice is theirs and some clients will always prefer to delegate, knowing that their core competencies lie elsewhere and they will get a better return for their money when they spend their time on these competencies.

Each approach demands its own particular kind of ‘homework’ of me.

The heart centred approach pulls me to attend as many professional development seminars as I can to learn how the best therapists and counsellors work with their clients. It calls me to meditate on my own soul’s journey and tune in to my intuition and empathy as I work with clients.

The directive approach requires me to suscribe to leading edge e-newsletters to find out what is happening on the rapidly evolving web and how technology can be used to greatest effect to support a business’s goals.

You could say that the former approach is inward looking while the latter is outward looking.

The heart-centred approach looks for the answers within while the directive approach looks for the answers from outside sources.

In each case it is up to the client to decide what their next step is. Action towards a desired goal is one of the secrets of success and happiness and we each must take the journey ourselves.

Three steps to inviting happiness

Focus on your wellbeing, what makes your heart sing. A question you might ask yourself is:

• What would I like to happen today. Just sit with that questions for a few minutes before you start your day.

Gain clarity on what you might need to do to improve your focus on your personal wellbeing and self healing. You might ask yourself these questions,

• What comes to mind that I might need to consider to help myself lead a more authentic and fulfilling life? This might range from nothing … to a few things.
• What do I imagine might help me? Spend a few minutes allowing time for answers to come - you may get a picture in your mind, or the sense of a voice replying to you, or an intuition of what is best for you, or something else that fits your style of self knowledge.
• If a miracle were to happen, what would it be?
• If something could change today, what might that be?

Have confidence to take the first small step. You absolutely must take action. Thought and reflection by themselves are not enough. But it is important that you take the right action. This means a small step towards your destination.

If you take a small step, this gives you wiggle room. You can assess the differences you have noticed and choose the next small step. So long as you are moving and taking action, you will succeed. Don’t try to jump ahead - you’re likely to land in a puddle and get in a mess.

Friendly Persistence. Those are magic words in business according to infoguru Robert Middleton of ActionPlan Marketing. And another slant on happiness!

Robert definitely knows what he is talking about. He has built an enormous business and is continually adding fresh layers and new horizons (if that is not a mixed metaphor).

He is a truly inspirational internet marketer.

In a recent post, Robert stated that what separates people who do just OK from people who do well is an attitude or mindset that embodies the following seven affirmations:

1. I have something of value to offer. I’m proud of that. I’m not ashamed to promote myself.
2. I will build the communication skills to convey this value to others. They may not see this value unless I show them.
3. If someone shows interest, I’ll engage with them and find out about their needs and see if what I have fits for them.
4. If they are uncertain, I’ll educate them, tell them stories, show them proof that the value is there.
5. If they are not ready now, I’ll follow up with them later. I’ll have more information to communicate the value.
6. I’ll find a way to do business that is win-win. I’m willing to negotiate and find a solution that works for all.
7. If someone doesn’t do business with me, I’ll remember that you can’t sell to everyone and I’ll move on.

This mindset of friendly persistence may be the most important thing you can cultivate in your business. Not only will you be more successful, you’ll be happier.

Robert Middleton’s website is www.actionplanmarketing.com

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The following report is now available.

FS to promote a healthier urban environment

• Imagine Green Madison is sponsored by the University of Madison’s Nelson Institute for Environmental Studies. The FS was a city-wide effort to promote sustainability and a healthier urban environment. From this meeting has come a coordinated network of citizens from all sectors who are introducing sustainability to all segments of their community.

The Imagine Green Madison Report is on the Nelson Institute website.

http://www.nelson.wisc.edu/outreach/imagine/outcomes.htm
Under Outcomes, then under Conference Summary Pamphlet, click on “click here.”